I Am The Egg Man

Roberto Assagioli’s famous egg diagram is a very useful picture of the human psyche, especially when it comes to extra-ordinary states of consciousness.

Here is one way of understanding it, using Christ’s famous assertion, “I am the way, the truth and the life”:

I AM (Higher Self) THE WAY (Field of Consciousness), THE TRUTH (Middle Unconscious) and THE LIFE (Lower Unconscious and Higher Unconscious).

I AM is pure subjectivity, pure consciousness. When we are in this state, we are “One without a Second”, that is, subject with no object. THE WAY is our immediate experience of the world without the filter or mediation of thoughts or feelings, that is, a state of no-mind (mu-shin) and flow (wei-wu-wei). We simply experience whatever comes to pass in our field of consciousness. THE TRUTH is the wisdom stored in the middle unconscious, which is not present to consciousness, and does not interfere with the pristine clarity of our field of awareness, but is available for conscious recall at any moment, just below the surface of consciousness. THE LIFE is the energy released through accessing the depths and heights of the lower and higher unconscious, on psychedelics for example (Amun, Ra, Atum, Ka in the lower and Gaia, Jah in the higher).

“Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.”

Ephesians 4: 9-10

N.B. This also maps onto the 1,3,7, 12 model (see the blog posts The Ark of the Holy Imaginal and Between the One and the Many):

AHAM is 1 – HODOS is 3 – ZOE is 7 – ALETHEIA is 12.

AHAM is 1 – KENOSIS is 3 – GNOSIS is 7 – PISTIS is 12.

Purity, Faith and Experience

What does it take to be a Zen Christian Shaman?

Purity, faith and experience.

Also:

Resist the flattering voice of the devil with all the humility of a Mystic-Shaman; resist the lures of the flesh with the chastity of a Warrior-Monk; resist the temptations of the world with the purity of a Philosopher-King.

In other words, reject the world, the flesh and the devil.

Be humble, chaste and pure.

For a Zen Christian Shaman, the way is pure Zen – “a condition of complete simplicity (costing not less than everything)”, – the truth is Christian humility – “the only wisdom we can hope to acquire / Is the wisdom of humility: humility is endless”, and the life is Shamanic transmuted sexual energy – “Love is the unfamiliar name behind the hands that wove the intolerable shirt of flame.” (T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets)

So:

Faith and experience are the bulwarks supporting purity.

And:

We need the humility to get over ourselves and put our faith in a Higher Power, and we need to be chaste if we are to experience our life force (Eros) non-sexually. The stronger the faith and the deeper the experience, the easier it is to maintain the pure awareness of mu-shin (no-mind) in everyday life.

‘Buddha, according to a sutra, once said: “Stop, stop. Do not speak. The ultimate truth is not even to think.”‘ (Quoted in Zen Flesh, Zen Bones by Paul Reps)

Another way to understand this saying of Jesus (with apologies to the Buddha!) is as Integral Yoga:

The “I am” is Raja Yoga; the “way” is Dhyana Yoga; the “truth” is Jnana Yoga; the “life” is Kundalini Yoga. The “way” is also Karma Yoga and the “life” is also Bhakti Yoga.

Simply put, the “I am” includes Self-inquiry; the “way” includes mindful walking, cooking, working; the “truth” includes lectio divina, contemplative reading; the “life” includes sacred music, art, ritual and plant medicine.

Seeing God, Seeing Death

Some people believe in God for intellectual, cultural or religious reasons. They believe through faith, consoled by Christ’s saying to doubting Thomas after his resurrection, “blessed are they who have not seen and yet believed” (John 20:29).

Some believers believe that you cannot see God and live anyway (Exodus 33:20). What could seeing God even mean, considering “God is Spirit” (John 4:24)? And as theologians are at pains to remind us, God is not a being among beings, but Being itself. How can you “see” Spirit or Being itself?

Strange as it may sound to sober ears, people do actually report seeing God on high dose psychedelic trips. They won’t be able to describe the experience in a convincing or even comprehensible manner, but it doesn’t seem to bother them – they know what they’ve seen.

Another strange psychedelic experience is seeing death. How can you see death? As Epicurus argued many years ago, it is irrational to fear death, since death cannot be experienced, being by definition the end of consciousness. Yet psychonauts commonly report experiencing death, or at least approaching it closely enough so as to “see” it.

Seeing death is unsurprisingly associated in the psychedelic experience with darkness, with silence, with emptiness and with the vanishing point of consciousness on falling asleep. There is also usually some anxiety and resistance present, which is also unsurprising. The will to life is strong enough that we generally don’t want to die, just in case!

Whether or not we actually see God or just imagine it, or whether we actually see death or just imagine that, the high dose psychedelic experience is profoundly existential, by which I mean that God and/or death are deeply felt in the core of our being. It’s not just belief in God or the thought of death as concepts, in the abstract, but actually seeing God and seeing death. Not literally, of course, but existentially.

“In the midst of life we are in death”, as the Book of Common Prayer has it. This is the basic existential insight. We are mortal and we will die, which you know as well as I do. But it’s one thing to know it intellectually and quite another to know it existentially.

So what? What’s the point? Is there any value in seeing death? Well, to put it somewhat poetically, so light shines in the darkness, music sings in the silence, and life blossoms in the grave.

Just as “our heart is restless until it finds its rest in God” (Augustine) so is our life restless until it finds its rest in death. We do not know who we are until we know God, and we do not know what life is until we know death.

We don’t know that we don’t know until we see it. And it should go without saying that it’s irrelevant whether you believe me or not.

The Love of Vision and the Vision of Love

One possible explanation for the empathic insights typical of psychedelic journeys is that we are saturated with positive psychic energy (whatever that is) so that the imaginative surveys of our life and the people in our life is refracted through the prism of love.

Many surprising insights arise as a consequence simply because thinking lovingly is thinking differently. We realise the error or our judgmental and dismissive ways and are painfully reminded that the people we habitually think about as jobs to be done or boxes to be ticked are actually complex sentient beings of flesh and blood just like us.

Psychedelic integration often focuses on ways to retain the messages we receive and apply them in our everyday life in a sensible and considered manner, whether it be to change jobs or call our mother more often. Not all insights, messages and visions are that practical and straightforward though. They can be pretty abstract, philosophical and downright cosmic, and it’s not always obvious what to do with them.

Although “love is blind” in ordinary states of consciousness, it actually makes us see clearer (most of the time) on psychedelics. Visions illumined by the light of love glow with noetic power. They reveal truths, especially uncomfortable truths, in ways we wouldn’t ordinarily perceive or appreciate.

Personally I love visions. Most psychonauts do. When the tide of love has receded, however, what I am left with often looks like tiddlers and baby crabs in a rock pool. But the vision of love remains. Plus the suspicion that it’s not really the insights from love, or gifts of the spirit, but the possibility of love itself that matters.

The vision of love is a glimpse of another way of being in the world. Not fantasy and not hippy idealism, but real and really attainable. With the vision comes the aim and eventually the method, which for me turned out to be the “way, the truth and the life” of Christ and Christianity.

Two Maps

Two useful maps to navigate the often bewildering psychedelic landscape are the Mystic Map and the Mycelium Map.

Christian Mysticism typically defines five stages: Awakening, Purgation, Illumination, Dark Night of the Soul and Union.

The networked nature of mycelium under the ground makes for a very different kind of map. It is not linear and has no clear goal or aim other than connectivity itself. This is the fundamental and priceless gift of psychedelics.

Aim is essential in any meaningful spiritual endeavor. In psychedelic circles we stress the importance of setting an intention before journeying. But what is the larger aim?

A mystical experience with or without the help of psychedelics is a kind of awakening. It is a glimpse of another way of being. It provides bodhichitta, the thought of enlightenment.

Once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. Now you want to awaken. But it’s not easy. A lifetime of wrong living has filled the soul with rubbish that needs to be cleared out.

You need to clean your didgeridoo and keep it clean. You need purgatio, a long and arduous process of discipline and penance. Not everyone can be bothered.

For beginners, psychedelic experience is an exciting process of awakening. For more seasoned travellers, it is about deep inner healing and purgation. For advanced practitioners, it is pure illumination: being filled with the Holy Spirit in light and love.

The Mystic Map a useful map to identify where you are and define your aim. (If you haven’t been humbled and humiliated like Job in dust and ashes, you have yet to enter the Dark Night).

But the Mycelium Map is also important. We need connection. Connection with God, yes, but also with the elements, the land, ancestors, traditions, culture, family, people, body, soul, emotions, dissociated inner actors, etc. etc.

Ordinary mundane reality is characterised by spiritual sleep and disconnection. We need to awaken and connect. That’s the aim anyway.

The Bright Field

I have seen the sun break through
to illuminate a small field
for a while, and gone my way
and forgotten it. But that was the pearl
of great price, the one field that had
the treasure in it. I realize now
that I must give all that I have
to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future nor hankering after
an imagined past. It is the turning
aside like Moses to the miracle
of the lit bush, to a brightness
that seemed as transitory as your youth
once but is the eternity that awaits you.

R.S. Thomas

Mushrooms are Not Just for Christmas

If you have spent any time at all researching psychedelics, you will surely have come across the phrase “ego death” or “ego dissolution”, usually as a prelude to some kind of spiritual rebirth. The death-rebirth motif can of course be found all over the ancient world, not least in the central story of the death and resurrection of Christ. For an ancient Greek, an ego death and rebirth will have reminded them of Persephone or Dionysus. For a Christian, it will likely have reminded them of Easter.

Although I have experienced this a few times myself, primarily on ayahuasca, it doesn’t quite fit the bill with mushrooms. It’s very unusual to lose all sense of your self on mushrooms, even at higher doses (heroic doses and above are a different story). Generally speaking, instead if a death-rebirth experience, mushrooms feel more like just a rebirth, that is, like being “born again”.

Jesus tries to explain what this means to Nicodemus in John’s gospel:

“Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?

Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.”

(John 3: 3-8)

William Law wrote about the need for Regeneration in the eighteenth century. He also insisted that the serious Christian had to be born of the spirit:

“When therefore the first spark of a desire after God arises in thy soul, cherish it with all thy care, give all thy heart into it, it is nothing less than a touch of the divine loadstone, that is to draw thee out of the vanity of time into the riches of eternity.

Get up therefore and follow it as gladly, as the wise men of the east followed the star from heaven that appeared to them. It will do for thee as the star did for them, it will lead thee to the birth of Jesus, not in a stable at Bethlehem in Judea, but to the birth of Jesus in the dark centre of thy own fallen soul.”

(The Spirit of Prayer)

Mushroom regeneration is more like Christmas than Easter. It’s like a spiritual reset, as well as an opportunity for life reviews and resolutions, a bit like Christmas and New Year rolled into one. For some people, once a year is enough. For others, once a month is about right. Either way, as Philip Larkin sang (on behalf of the trees), “begin afresh, afresh, afresh.”

Between the One and the Many

The problem of the One and the Many is a perennial philosophical problem reaching back into the mists of antiquity, in Greece first encountered in the writings of the Pre-Socratics Thales, Parmenides, Heraclitus, Democritus, Pythagoras and co.

This is not just a question for speculative philosophy, however. It is an existential question that can confront us in the heights and depths of psychedelic mystical experience. We can actually experience the One as a nondual unity encompassing all of Reality, ourselves included. This is often alluded to as “ego death” because all the usual categories of self and other dissolve. We can also experience the Many as a dizzyingly infinite multiplicity of beings and things numberless as the sands of the seashore or the stars in the sky.

In print, in the comfort of your own human mind, this sounds fine, even desirable. Who would turn down the chance to experience the One and the Many first hand? Well, be careful what you wish for. Allen Ginberg hauntingly wrote, “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness”, and I wager that not a few of those will have been driven mad by a precipitous fall into the One or the Many.

The human mind cannot fathom the One or the Many. The One is unnameable, as Jewish tradition has it, just as the Tao is unnameable according to the Chinese, because in the One everything dissolves. There can be no name, no namer and no named. We can point to it with a sign, JHWH, Tao, God, in order to talk about it, but these are just pointers. In the experience of the One, even the idea of Oneness dissolves. Likewise, the Many is impossible to grasp. Although we can have a coherent idea of the meaning of the word “infinite”, for example, our minds cannot grasp even very large numbers, such as the number of stars in our galaxy, or the number of galaxies in the universe.

We can have glimpses of the One and the Many in deep psychedelic meditation. They are awe-inspiring and occasionally terrifying. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes never-ending (seemingly), these strange experiences feel like they complete us in some mysterious metaphysical way. However, as I indicated above, they are also potentially dangerous, if you’re not ready.

So what does readiness entail? How can you prepare for the eventuality of a seismic breakthrough to the limit of ultimate Reality itself?

In order to answer this question in a way comprehensible to the human mind, I will approach it pictorially. Imagine a long ruler or x axis numbered between 0 and 10,000. The number 0 represents the One (even the One disappears in the One) and the number 10,000 represent the Many (as Taoist convention has it).

Now imagine that the number 10 represents conventional human reality. Everything is experienced and understood within the defining structures of base 10 (so to speak). People in this position may have a theoretical notion of the One and the Many, but they cannot actually experience them. They may believe in God, for example, but it will be, at best, a conventional, dualistic, base 10 God, and at worst, a psychological projection.

10 is relatively close to ground 0 so people at 10 are kept in orbit around the massive black hole of the One and don’t fly off into the infinite void of outer space. It’s as though they lived on Mercury, orbiting tightly around the sun. Staying with the solar system metaphor, Venus would then represent 11 and Earth 12. Imagine further that Venus (think angel number 1111) is an unstable magical place, elusive and ephemeral. People can’t stay there very long, and quickly find themselves back on Mercury or on Earth.

Now imagine that Earth’s orbit represents a limit beyond which the distance from the sun stretches too far. Mars represents the next number 13, unlucky for some. Mars is habitable, but not hospitable. For a start, it’s too cold. Beyond Mars is the chaotic asteroid belt and the gas planets.

In our analogy, people on Mercury (10) are safe, but narrow. People on Mars (13) have a more expanded consciousness, but are on a risky trajectory. Inherently unstable, they are prone to expand uncontrollably outwards into cosmic infinity. Too far from the unifying gravity of the One, they are in danger of fragmentation and madness. I suppose Ginsberg’s unfortunate friends were probably mostly Martians.

People on Earth (people of the 12 tribes) are in a comfortable Goldilocks position. However, they can easily slip onto the 10 or 13 position and get either stuck or lost. We need something extra to keep us in place. G.I. Gurdjieff called this something extra “the Law of Three” and “the Law of Seven”. I won’t go into the intricacies of all this now, but for the purposes of this imaginative exercise, simply picture lines connecting 3, 7 and 12 on the axis.

10 is rigid and predictable and 13 is irregular and unstable. People on 10 and 13 orbit the One but are not intimately connected to it and so cannot safely navigate the Many. But people on 12 who are connected to the nondual 1 via 7 and 3, are protected from disintegration and dispersal in the 10,000 things.

In the psychedelic context, to “turn on” is to have a vision, perhaps even a beatific vision, of the 1, the 3, the 7, or all three at once. It is a kind of kensho, a waking up to the true nature of metaphysical reality. Once you have seen it, you know you have seen it, and you cannot unsee it. You have achieved gnosis. You have turned on the spiritual faculty, or opened the third eye.

If this mystical experience is to have any lasting effect on the personality, however, it must be integrated through a process of consolidation. You now need to “tune in”. This is done primarily through contact, regular and sincere, with the riches of your spiritual tradition. In so doing, you awaken and strengthen faith, pistis. This process is both linear and cyclical and typically follows a 12 month cycle (for a Christian option see the Meditation page).

Once you have sufficiently tuned in and have achieved “great faith” (Rinzai) or “absolute faith” (Tillich), you are ready to “drop out”. This does not mean you become a dharma bum, as many Timothy Leary fans did in the 1960’s and 1970’s. It means you leave the world of dualistic human left-brain thinking behind, through self-emptying kenosis, and begin to live in the nondual world of headless immediacy. This is called “being born in the Pure Land” or “entering the Kingdom of God”. It is living out 1, 3, 7, 12 in the 10,000 things.

With this understanding, Leary’s hippy slogan, “turn on, tune in, drop out” is not a recipe for selfishness and irresponsibility. It points to the same liberation that Christ and Buddha point to. In Buddhist terms, it is “escape from Samsara”. In Christian terms, it is both “escape from Babylon” and “escape from Zion”. Salvation through Christ is salvation from the religious bondage of Mercury (10) and the worldly bondage of Mars (13) through connection with the One and the Many.

Jesus said to his disciples, “be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). In his final discourse he said to them, “ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world” (John 15:19). When questioned by Pilate, he declared, “my kingdom is not of this world” (John 18:36).

Key:

10 = religious but not spiritual (Mercury 10) = “bound”

11 = magical (Venus 11) = “unhinged”

12 = spiritual and religious (Earth 12) = “contained”

13 = spiritual but not religious (Mars 13) = “unmoored”

1 + 3 + 7 = mystical (Sun 11) = “detached”

11 + 12 = magical, spiritual and religious (Venus and Earth 23) = “fantastical”

1 + 3 + 7 + 12 = spiritual, religious and mystical (Sun and Earth 23) = “incarnation

11 + 13 = magical and spiritual but not religious (Venus and Mars 24) = “space cadet”

Blake’s Spiral

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MV: “Blake’s famous image of Jacob’s ladder, with Jacob asleep on the ground and then the staircase with the figures ascending and descending, reaching into the heavens, you make the point that Blake’s the only person to draw this as a spiral…”

IMcG: “The reason that I think that the spiral is so important is that it is the only shape that brings two things together, the fact of an open ended process and the idea of contraries. Blake said “without contraries there is no progression” … it’s that idea that I see in Heraclitus, of the tautness of a bowstring or the tautness of a lyre string, and without the tautness of pulling in opposite directions there is no power to produce a note or power to let fly the arrow. Sometimes you get this idea that things are circular – T.S. Eliot gives famous expression to the idea that we come back to the place we started from and know it for the first time – but what I think is a better idea is that we go round on a spiral and we don’t come back to where we started from, we are higher up than we were, but we come back to the place that is over the other place and now we can see what it was and what we thought then. So we are making progress…”

MV: “…anamnesis, to return to something and make it present once more … is what a ritual does. The ritual repeats at one level but it repeats constantly to draw back the Source. The manner in which we inhabit our memories is really important, and that’s often a ritual, embodied practice, in order that memory and inspiration can then come together. The memory becomes re-inspiring – it breathes something fresh into us.”

IMcG: “We need something like that actually, which is structured enough to summon whatever it is, but also loose enough to allow it to live, not to pin down and utterly specify. That’s why a ritual has to remain implicit, and once it’s made explicit, a lot of that is lost. I find it interesting that at a time of great upsurge in left hemisphere thinking, which I associate with the Reformation, there was a lot of technical dispute about what was meant by a very important ritual of the body and blood of Christ.”

Transcript from a conversation between Mark Vernon and Iain McGilchrist on William Blake: Imagination and Inspiration, Science and Soul (posted on YouTube on 1st July 2025).

What do you Believe?

  1. There is no Divinity, only human fantasy and delusion.
  2. There is Divinity, but no possibility of meaningful human contact with it.
  3. Human intercourse with Divinity is clearly delimited and circumscribed.
  4. The permeable relationship between humanity and Divinity is complex and mysterious.

¡Salvaje!

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Hebrews 10:31

Vow, and pay unto the LORD your God: let all that be round about him bring presents unto him that ought to be feared.

Psalm 76:11

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.

Psalm 98:4

For thy desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and I contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Psalm 51: 16-17

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.

Proverbs 9:10

Savage God, Mystic God, God of the Faithful or God of the Philosophers…

You never know what you’ll get!